how to feel more empathic
“Empathy is seeing with the eyes of another, listening with the ears of another, and feeling with the heart of another”
Being an empath, I am acutely aware of how other people are feeling, experience the emotions they are experiencing and care deeply about those who are facing challenges in their life.
It’s often easy for me to forget that not everyone is like this and that some find it difficult to feel empathy for those around them, not through a lack of concern, it just doesn’t come that easily to them.
I often get asked how I can help someone have more empathy for others or feel more empathetic. A little bit like gratitude, empathy is something you can cultivate, something that can begin consciously and which, over time will become more of an unconscious act.
When asked the question, I typically respond (as coaches do) with a few of my own questions:
How do you identify and tune into your own feelings?
How much do you listen and observe when you are having a conversation with another person?
How often are you pre-occupied with our own mind’s chatter?
How often do you consider the motives behind the other person’s emotions and behaviours?
To have empathy we first need to be able to recognise our own feelings, learning how to tune into how we are feeling, however uncomfortable this might feel at times.
To have empathy we need to quieten our own internal chatter, be present and really focus on what someone is saying, observing their body language and stepping into their shoes to see how it might feel to be them right now.
For those who are not natural empaths, this must be a conscious act to begin with, just like learning any other new skill. Over time, it becomes easier, feels more natural, and happens without us even being conscious that we are doing it.
Empathy should not be confused with sympathy which is an entirely different behaviour. Sympathy is acknowledging that the other person is going through an emotional or physical struggle, supporting them, and giving them comfort.
Empathy is something more than just this. It’s actually understanding what the other person is feeling because you’ve had a similar experience yourself or you’re able to put yourself in their shoes.
Putting yourself in their shoes
We all have our own map of the world and see every event or experience from our own perspective. Sometimes it’s easy to forget that it is just our perspective and that everyone’s thoughts and feelings about things are very different. Our beliefs, behaviours and values are a direct result of our experiences in our life so far, and as each of us have a series of unique experiences, our maps of the world are very different.
To step into their shoes, start by considering everything you know about them; their background, current circumstances, and what it might be like to be them.
Consider the situation from their perspective, what are you seeing, feeling, hearing, and saying as them? Once you experience the situation from their perspective, you are able to feel more empathy for them and their circumstances.
So, for those of you who are not natural empaths, this week I would encourage you to change your interactions with at least three people. Actively listen when you are having a conversation, focus on their interests and needs rather than your own, and don’t make assumptions. See if you can step into their shoes and understand what it might be like to be them at the moment and acknowledge how they are feeling. You will be surprised what a difference it makes.
Take care
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