managing negative emotions
Do you ever find yourself responding automatically to a situation before you’ve really even thought about it?
Something happens and you instinctively become angry, sad, frustrated, or annoyed, without really knowing why. Someone else becomes angry or frustrated and you feel fear or hurt.
Emotions are an essential part of us as individuals and expressing these emotions is fundamental to our wellbeing. Sometimes though, our negative emotions are unwarranted and, if they pop up frequently, they can get in the way of our happiness. They make responding reasonably to a situation almost impossible, as we become irrational. These can be feelings towards someone else, or ourselves.
So, what triggers these unwanted negative emotions?
When an event occurs, we automatically give meaning to it. This happen so fast that we are not even aware of it. To give it meaning our brain will do three things.
It will delete information that does not fit with what we already know and believe to be true. It will generalise information, stopping us from looking for other explanations. This is because we feel we already know the meaning, based on previous experiences and beliefs about ourselves. It distorts information, forcing things to fit by changing what we are seeing, hearing or experiencing. This stops us being shocked or surprised by new information and enables it to fit with what we expect or believe the world to be.
The meaning we give to something impacts how we feel and generates an emotion, which drives our behaviour and the result (what we do in response).
Quite often the triggers are based on early experiences, during our 0-7 years. These can continue throughout our life without us even being aware of the original cause.
How do we prevent these unwanted negative emotions from taking over?
To alter the emotion, we need to change the meaning we have applied to the event. When something happens and you begin to feel a familiar unwarranted emotion, be aware of it and notice what is happening. Ask yourself ‘what am I feeling right now’? ‘What has made me feel like this and what meaning have I given the situation’?
Then ask yourself, ‘how do you know this is true’? ‘Could it have been that...’?
Apply the word ‘maybe’. This slows down our response and allows us to decide how we want to feel about the situation, as it stops us rushing to an opinion. Once we have done this, we can choose a more empowering response.
Don’t judge yourself based on the feelings you are experiencing, as this can result in getting stuck in an emotional state, or surfacing other emotions, such as guilt or sadness. Accept that it is happening, be aware of it, allow yourself to feel it and then move on. Once the feeling has passed, consider what may have been a more resourceful, or appropriate response, one that would work better the next time something similar happens.
Take ownership for how you are feeling. No one else has ‘made’ you feel the way you are feeling. You have chosen your response based on the meaning you have given the situation.
Many of the unwarranted negative emotions we feel are patterns, formed based on experiences during our 0-7 years. Working with the unconscious mind to remove them is an amazingly powerful way of enabling more resourceful responses, allowing the unwarranted emotions to slip away.
So next time you find yourself being triggered by a situation, be aware that it is happening and ask yourself whether your negative emotions are warranted, or unwarranted.
I offer a free emotions discovery session, enabling you to discuss the emotional triggers you are experiencing, identify any patterns and decide your next steps.
Click the link to book your free emotions discovery session or ask me a question. https://www.jouff.co.uk/contact
Take care
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