creating a sense of certainty
Another lockdown, right! How are you feeling?
I completely understand that many people are sad, angry, frustrated, fed up or negative about what is happening right now. It feels like we have come full circle with the renewed lockdown and our lives are being turned upside down once again. Feeling anger, fear, or sadness (or all these emotions) is a perfectly normal reaction and expressing these emotions is essential to our wellbeing.
So how do you prevent yourself from getting stuck in a particular emotional state? To stop spiralling into the negative and enable yourself to become more resourceful?
For a lot of people, uncertainty is the one of the biggest challenges. Uncertainty about when things will get back to normal, when the children will go back to school, whether our jobs are secure, how we are going to juggle home life and how long we are going to be in lockdown for this time.
So why does uncertainty have such a powerful impact on our sense of wellbeing?
Certainty is one of our core emotional needs (alongside love and belonging, and significance). These needs are connected to our sense of survival, so when our certainty, or safety is compromised, our sense of survival is threatened, and it is difficult for us to cope with. How much of a sense of certainty we have already will also affect how well we are able to manage situations like the renewed lockdown. So, for many of us the impact of this renewed uncertainty might be even stronger than it was the first time around.
So, what can we do to increase our sense of certainty when life around us is so uncertain?
Creating your own sense of certainty, irrespective of what is going on around you can be extremely helpful and being able to make plans is important. Start with what is triggering the uncertainty; what are you worried about? What do you think might happen? Then work everything through based on a worst-case scenario. Work out what you would do if it did happen; what that means and how you will deal with each situation. Focus on what you can control and what you have choices about. What do you need to do, and have to feel certain you will get through this?
Another way to create certainty is to ensure you have clear outcomes. And whilst you may be sitting there thinking that you cannot achieve your outcomes because of the current situation, I would encourage you to consider how you can work towards it in a different way. In fact, how could the current situation actually be forcing you to think about it in a different way? How can you still get what you want? Be creative with as many ways to do this as possible. My earlier blog about setting goals and outcomes provides an approach this.
What if I can’t find the certainty I need?
For some people it feels impossible to be positive, or certain. This might be because of past experiences, belief patterns, or strong negative emotions which feel impossible to overcome. If this is the case, being aware of it is the first step, notice that it’s happening, so that you can work through it and get to a more resourceful place.
I offer a free emotional needs discovery session, enabling you to discuss the beliefs and emotions which might be holding you back, define your priorities for change and decide your next steps.
Click the link to book your free emotional needs discovery session or ask me a question. https://www.jouff.co.uk/contact
Take care
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